I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
