A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
