I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
