totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
