BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
