While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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