Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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