I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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