I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize