Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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