you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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