she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
you are never too drunk for berry picking
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
