you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
