He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
