it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
