its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize