No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
