I didn't shave. On purpose
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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