so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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