a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
