I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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