Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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