There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
