I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
