I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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