I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
what day is it and did you see me today?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize