is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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