First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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