I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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