I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize