how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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