38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
