And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize