Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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