Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
