That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
