maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
how does that bad decision feel?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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