I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
