1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
