Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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