singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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