Rock
Scissors
Fuck
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
