3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
