ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
