I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
