You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm getting married
To pizza
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize