Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
