careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
