Quick, to the slutcave!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
