I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
