barbara walters just said penis...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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