Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
