dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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