i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
