ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
