yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize