Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
