Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
