You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
