Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
