I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
