I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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