You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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