just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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