the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
