cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My dick has a subreddit
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
