literally had 100 drinks last night.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
